BREAKING NEWS. Pogosticks have just been classified as a schedule one drug. Kids are getting so fucking... just having lots of fun on these things. It's insane to watch, I mean they're so high up there. But it's dangerous. These kids they jump as high as their little hearts will let them. They jump high enough to take a bite of a cloud, to sing to the stars, to whisper to the heavens one last time before dropping to the ground faster than a pile of bricks. Shit man, these things are just off the charts insane, radical to say the least. This being said, it's bullshit of course. Pogosticks are no more dangerous than needles, wood planks, and off-brand growth hormones... pogosticks are just pogosticks. So listen, if you're looking around the toy mart for a new jump toy, you're not gonna be looking in the right place. Come to 'ol Tony, he's a nice fellah, he'll hook you up with premium air. He'll get you higher than you ever imagined. 555-234-5124.
- 'ol Tony